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Basic Toilet Humor

Restroom comedy has long been the reliable retreat in everyday journalism, and publications remain attentive of notable bog-related stories and key events, notably connected to soccer. It was quite amusing to learn that Big Website columnist Adrian Chiles has a West Brom-themed urinal in his house. Spare a thought about the Tykes follower who understood the bathroom a little too literally, and had to be saved from a deserted Oakwell following dozing off in the toilet midway through a 2015 losing match versus the Cod Army. “He was barefoot and couldn't find his phone and his headwear,” explained a Barnsley fire station spokesperson. And nobody can overlook at the pinnacle of his career with Manchester City, Mario Balotelli popped into a local college for toilet purposes back in 2012. “He left his Bentley parked outside, then came in and was asking directions to the restrooms, subsequently he entered the faculty room,” a student told the Manchester Evening News. “Subsequently he wandered round the campus like he owned the place.”

The Restroom Quitting

Tuesday marks 25 years since Kevin Keegan stepped down as the England coach after a brief chat in a toilet cubicle together with Football Association official David Davies in the underground areas of Wembley, subsequent to the memorable 1-0 setback versus Germany during 2000 – England’s final match at the famous old stadium. As Davies remembers in his diary, FA Confidential, he stepped into the wet troubled England locker room right after the game, only to find David Beckham in tears and Tony Adams “fired up”, the two stars urging for the director to convince Keegan. Following Dietmar Hamann’s free-kick, Keegan moved wearily along the passageway with a blank expression, and Davies found him slumped – just as he was at Anfield in 1996 – in the corner of the dressing room, muttering: “I’m off. I’m not for this.” Collaring Keegan, Davies worked frantically to save the circumstance.

“Where could we possibly locate for a private conversation?” stated Davies. “The passageway? Swarming with media. The dressing room? Heaving with emotional players. The shower area? I was unable to have a crucial talk with the team manager as squad members entered the baths. Just a single choice remained. The lavatory booths. A dramatic moment in England’s long football history happened in the old toilets of a venue scheduled for destruction. The impending destruction could almost be smelled in the air. Leading Kevin into a compartment, I closed the door after us. We stood there, facing each other. ‘You can’t change my mind,’ Kevin said. ‘I'm gone. I'm not suitable. I'll inform the media that I'm not adequate. I cannot inspire the squad. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Results

And so, Keegan resigned, subsequently confessing he considered his stint as England manager “without spirit”. The two-time European Footballer of the Year stated: “I had difficulty passing the hours. I ended up coaching the blind squad, the hearing-impaired team, supporting the female team. It's an extremely challenging position.” The English game has progressed significantly during the last 25 years. Whether for good or bad, those Wembley toilets and those two towers are no longer present, whereas a German currently occupies in the technical area Keegan previously used. The German's squad is viewed as one of the contenders for the upcoming Geopolitics World Cup: Three Lions supporters, appreciate this period. This specific commemoration from one of England's worst moments is a reminder that things were not always so comfortable.

Real-Time Coverage

Join Luke McLaughlin at 8pm BST for Women’s Bigger Cup updates regarding Arsenal versus Lyon.

Quote of the Day

“There we stood in a long row, in just our underwear. We represented Europe's top officials, elite athletes, role models, adults, parents, strong personalities with great integrity … but no one said anything. We hardly glanced at one another, our looks wavered slightly nervously while we were called forward two by two. There Collina observed us from top to bottom with a chilly look. Silent and observant” – previous global referee Jonas Eriksson reveals the humiliating procedures referees were previously subjected to by previous European football refereeing head Pierluigi Collina.

Football Daily Letters

“What’s in a name? A Dr Seuss verse exists called ‘Too Many Daves’. Has Blackpool experienced Excessive Steves? Steve Bruce, together with staff Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been removed from their positions. Does this conclude the club's Steve fixation? Not completely! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie continue to manage the main squad. Full Steve ahead!” – John Myles

“Now you have loosened the purse strings and awarded some merch, I've chosen to type and offer a concise remark. Postecoglou mentions he initiated altercations in the schoolyard with youngsters he knew would beat him up. This self-punishing inclination must explain his choice to sign with Nottingham Forest. As a lifelong Spurs supporter I'll remain thankful for the second-year silverware however the sole second-year prize I envision him securing by the Trent, if he lasts that long, is the second tier and that would be a significant battle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|